Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Getting my ducks in a row

Literally and figuratively

This is hard to admit and even harder to write. I dislike having to confess that I can't handle something, that I got in over my head. But I did. As is evidenced by my lack of posts for almost a year here (and hardly any better on my collectibility blog), I've been in a blogging funk. Worse than that, and directly responsible for it, I've been in a pretty severe artistic funk, too. Depression definitely has played a large part in this. I am unhappy with a variety of life situations---location, vocation, finances (one step forward, two steps back) to name just a few---all first world problems, and problems I got myself into, but they weigh heavily on a person after a while.

For quite some time now, I've been feeling overwhelmed by my commission obligations and lacking confidence in my artistic abilities. I reached a point where I was finishing horses but couldn't bring myself to send out photos because I was sure they just weren't good enough. Naturally, this spiraled into a guilt black hole as delays turned into weeks and then months.

So I am now working very hard to claw myself out of this hole I've dug. It's not easy, and I feel awful for being so very slow and wretched at communication, but every finished horse will be just a little less anxiety and guilt weighing me down. I will not be accepting any new commissions for the foreseeable future, and I have set a goal to finish all of my existing commissions by no later than the end of May.

I am also planning to try to post more updates here to keep me motivated and hopefully more positive, starting with some blogging about Jen Buxton's wonderful NaMoPaiMo idea. The event spans the month of February, and while I do plan to finish one specific non-commission model for NaMoPaiMo, I definitely also intend to finish as many commissions as I can. More on that starting later today. Thank you all for your kindness and patience!

1 comment:

Keren said...

I can so relate to everything you've said. My 'funk' has lasted years. So glad you're doing something about yours - you do nice horses. Hugs xx